<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Crashing by emeraldsapphic</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392590">Crashing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsapphic/pseuds/emeraldsapphic'>emeraldsapphic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Falling Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gandrew - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:07:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsapphic/pseuds/emeraldsapphic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Loneliness feels even worse once you've given your heart away.</p><p>
  <em>Sequel to Falling.</em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andrew Siwicki/Garrett Watts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Falling Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Eterna Estate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is going to be a rollercoaster. I won't promise you anything. You'll see.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There's a double nature to love. </p><p>There are the sunshine and the rainbows, the beautiful feeling of butterflies in your stomach, the vertiginous tornado of emotions that cloud your judgment, and the unconditional affection that blindly binds you to the person you most love.<br/>
There are the laughs, the compassionate cries, and the deep conversation under the stars, interrupted by stolen kisses.<br/>
There's the lovemaking, the euphoria, the adrenaline rushes, and the feeling of being on edge and always breathless.</p><p>Eternal summer.</p><p>But that feeling soon vanishes. </p><p>The honeymoon ends just in time to give its glorious space to the communication and trust issues.</p><p>Just like in autumn, after summer, the leaves start to dry and fall.</p><p>If you failed to build a strong enough base in the so cherished first phase, then trying to fix the issues in the second seems, quite frankly, impossible.</p><p>And there were so many issues that they had to fix.</p><p>Sometimes, he wished he had not put so much time and value in this tower, because it definitely had holes right at the fundaments, and if, or when came the time to let it fall, he knew it would hurt even more.<br/>
He wasn't sure what was best: let the tower linger for as long as it could, and pray that it resisted through thick and thin, or take action and decide to tear it down, anticipating, thus softening the consequences.</p><p>It came as a sudden realization, one day, crashing in between the self-hatred and the jealousy that tormented his heart.</p><p>The realization that he had spent months, years loving tremendously hard, putting his whole soul in the hands of one person, only to see it wash away so quickly and painfully.</p><p>There were moments when he regretted it. He cursed himself for letting someone trap him in the dense web of commitment and responsibilities. </p><p>But then there were moments when he'd look at the love of his life sleeping next to him, all messy curls and soft snores.<br/>
Tired, as usual, because since the problems had started to surface, he had fully thrown himself in his job.<br/>
The candied memories of the twilight shining on his cheeks, highlighting his freckles, giving him an angelic appearance.<br/>
The small kisses on the head, between his curls, to wake him up.<br/>
The small, rough words in the morning, always accompanied by a tiny but sweet smile.<br/>
Those were the beautiful moments Garrett didn't regret.</p><p>But those were also rare and starting to fade.</p><p>He didn't remember the day their honeymoon ended, figurately speaking.<br/>
And that was mostly because there wasn't a day, there hadn't been fights, or arguments, or discussions.<br/>
It had just started.</p><p>Maybe, he used to think, it was meant to be that way. Wasn't there a saying about being seven months in a relationship? Seventh-month slouch, was it?<br/>
But he'd quickly brush that thought off.<br/>
To believe such things was bullshit in Garrett's eyes. There were no rules to love, and that was what made it fun.<br/>
Until it wasn't fun anymore.</p><p>Garrett needed physical contact, he thrived off of touching.<br/>
It wasn't even about sex. It never had been.<br/>
It was about the missing hugs and the so rare kisses. About the lack of attention, and the underlying sense of betrayal lingering in his mind.<br/>
He craved the feeling of Andrew's skin on his, the genuine and sincere sign of passion, or at least of the warm remnants of what was once a burning fire.</p><p>It wasn't Andrew's fault, he tried to repeat to himself daily.<br/>
A lot of things weren't his fault, but some others definitely were.</p><p>Andrew still hung out with Shane consistently.<br/>
At first, it didn't bother him, because Andrew seemed to despise his boss, and it made Garrett feel cool in a weird and twisted way.</p><p>A part of him, the deepest and darkest one, had liked the idea of having a spy, an eye on the lookout in the territory of his enemies.<br/>
The other one, still thankfully prevalent, only wanted Andrew to be free, to live his life exactly as he wanted it.</p><p>He never forced Andrew to pick a side, but it also hurt that he never did.<br/>
Garrett wanted the love of his life to be happy, but he also wished that it meant for Andrew to be with him, and him only.</p><p>He was trying to gather all of his strength to be able, one day, if it ever came to it, to have the courage to let him go.<br/>
Even though Garrett was mad and disappointed, he still loved Andrew painfully hard, and he was convinced he'd never stop.</p><p>He couldn't find such a rotten part of his soul to be able to hate him or to even just stop loving him.<br/>
Loving as he did was a double-edged sword, that had quickly turned into a curse when Garrett realized what he had put on the line.<br/>
He couldn't stop loving Andrew. It was scary, and it was twisted. It definitely wasn't healthy, and that was the most frightening aspect of it all.</p><p>He wished he knew what loving half-heartedly meant.</p><p>He stared at the ceiling, phone in his hand, expecting a text that never came.<br/>
Andrew was at Shane's again.<br/>
That wasn't news, it was quite frankly a routine. </p><p>He wished he dared to tell Andrew that throwing himself in his job and figuratively (or at least he hoped) in Shane's arms wasn't going to help fix their relationship.<br/>
But he also knew that saying such a thing would only result in him looking petty, and Andrew acting even more weirdly around him.</p><p>Yes, because adding to the already tense situation between them was the way Andrew tiptoed around him. He planned his words carefully, meticulously mentioning some things, and completely omitting others.</p><p>Andrew felt guilty, it was pretty obvious. For what, Garrett wasn't sure.<br/>
Both of them had made and still made mistakes, but Garrett had noticed for quite some time that his love had his mind somewhere else.<br/>
He had tried to ask him a couple of times, but the only answer he ever got was a small, somewhat genuine smile and an angsty 'Don't worry about it, baby.'<br/>
He had asked and asked again, but at a certain point, he stopped insisting. He was too tired. </p><p>Emotionally. Physically.</p><p>His lack of empathy seemed to grow the more tired he felt.<br/>
That was what Garrett felt most guilty about: not being able to help Andrew with whatever he was going through. </p><p>And the fact that it had been weeks since his last proper night of sleep didn't help either.<br/>
He couldn't sleep when Andrew wasn't home. He felt exceptionally lonely at night. Too much space for his thoughts to linger.</p><p>He sighed out loud, scrolling through his music library.<br/>
Out of every song, there was one he had been avoiding. It was too personal, it hit too close to home. But that night, Garrett felt the masochistic need to listen to it. He craved tears and pain. He had felt too numb for too long.<br/>
It was almost a punishment for himself. Almost. Because on the other hand it also felt like the most relieving of liberations. </p><p>A freeing death.</p><p>So he pressed play.</p><p>
  <em>I am in my bed<br/>
And you're not here</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sogni Premonitori</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, the updates are so slow. Life happened. School is happening. I am finally free by next Monday. You'll have more of this and more of me on Tumblr then. See you in July &lt;3</p><p>Until then, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A lot is hidden in dreams.<br/>
Secrets are densely convoluted in the meanderings of the mind, drowned in a deep sea of subconsciousness.<br/>
Sometimes they're forgettable, most times it is hard to even remember them in the first place.<br/>
Other times they claw to your mind and hold on after you wake up. They survive after sunrise to haunt your day.</p><p>Andrew's dreams were terrifying, though they weren't nightmares. In fact, they were so saccharine, even the single serene sunray that hit his eyes in the morning felt bittersweet.</p><p>He woke up with a smile, despite the pounding headache that accompanied him as he laid on the bed in Shane's guestroom. He still refused to call it his bed, even though it technically was. </p><p>A sting in his heart swept away the smile from his face.<br/>
Andrew knew he was in the wrong place, especially at the wrong time.<br/>
He shouldn't have been there. But he was.<br/>
Working wasn't even fun anymore, it was merely a distraction from the complicated situation at home. His real home. The one where his boyfriend was probably hurting in. Alone.</p><p>The realization completely wiped away the serenity of his dream from his mind.</p><p>He rested his head on the headboard. He felt a particularly familiar tingling in his face, anticipating tears that never came.<br/>
He had mastered fighting them back. And so he did. As usual.</p><p>He jumped out of bed. Approaching the kitchen, he heard arguing.</p><p>"He is right!"</p><p>"You're not making sense right now."</p><p>"You've not seen him, Shane. He-" Andrew heard Morgan suddenly stop.</p><p>He felt two pairs of eyes on him.<br/>
"I thought we were past talking behind each other's back."</p><p>"I wasn't talking about you."</p><p>"How is he?" Andrew didn't like beating around the bush with her. After all, she had chosen her side a long time ago.</p><p>His friendship with Morgan no longer existed. He tried to keep a decent relationship with her, even after she screamed at him all of her thoughts on his and Garrett's love life, but it had not worked out in the end.</p><p>He would have lied if he said he had tried hard. He didn't really care that much in the first place, and her noisiness just made it harder for him to give a shit. He didn't want anyone interfering in his life anymore, mostly because he saw how it had worked out the first time.</p><p>Deep down, Andrew knew that was hypocritical for him to say because he still somehow cherished Shane's opinion on his and Garrett's crumbling relationship. An opinion which he still thought to be completely neutral and impartial. It was very naive of him, but he still wanted to believe Shane's words came from a kind place. He just wanted what was best for both of them, right?</p><p>"What do you think, Andrew?" Andrew hated the tone in her voice, she was clearly pissed, but she had no place to judge him. Why couldn't she just answer the question?<br/>
"He's sad and lonely. But I am sure you could have guessed that by yourself."</p><p>Morgan and Garrett had gotten particularly close, even closer than they had previously been. Andrew had found out through a couple of Instagram stories Morgan had forgotten to block him from seeing. </p><p>"Is there any need to be so sarcastic?"</p><p>"Sorry, Andrew. I forgot you hate sarcasm."</p><p>"Morgan," Shane chimed in, pleading for her to stop.</p><p>"Why are you defending him? Wasn't <em>Garrett</em> your best friend?"</p><p>"There are no sides in this situation," Andrew retorted.</p><p>"Oh, aren't there? Try asking your <em>best friend</em> here." She pointed at Shane dramatically, prompting her brother-in-law to roll his eyes.</p><p>"Shane?"</p><p>"You know I am only trying to help."</p><p>"Yes, by convincing Andrew to break up with Garrett for whatever reason."</p><p><em>Whatever reason.</em> Andrew's breath itched. There may have been a few reasons. His dream came to mind.</p><p>"I am not trying to break them up!"</p><p>"Then, why is Andrew here? Why isn't he home?"</p><p>"Because I need some space. This has nothing to do with Shane." There was <em>some</em> truth to it, but Andrew still felt guilty after speaking up. "It's not Shane's fault."</p><p>Morgan just stared at him, her glare intense and judgmental. </p><p>"You have no place to judge me, you have only heard his side of the story."</p><p>"I thought you said there weren't sides in this situation."</p><p>Andrew rolled his eyes and turned around to leave, he had had enough of that conversation, and thankfully the house was big enough so that he didn't have to deal with Morgan, or anyone else if he didn't want to.</p><p>He resorted to the only beacon of light and hope in that house, Shane's pets.  He sat outside, by the pool, and watched the dogs run after each other. </p><p>His mind traveled back to a conversation with Garrett, and he couldn't fight back the smile on his face as much as he wanted to.</p><p>Andrew hated feeling like he did. He hated not being able to care more about what his boyfriend was doing or what he was going through. He knew not that deep down that he still loved Garrett more than anyone else in his life, but questions had arisen in his mind, and they seemed not to want to budge.</p><p>His mind traveled back to the dream once again.<br/>
Running around the woods. Long blue hair, red lips, black eyes, and a forest green dress. Sweet tempting fruit. Prohibited.<br/>
Andrew wasn't supposed to dream about nymphs, but he had. </p><p>It was very ironic, and perhaps quite premonitory that a feminine figure was now tormenting his consciousness. It didn't help with his on-going crisis, one which was still secret in his heart.</p><p>Flashes of the oniric fantasy came and went in his confused mind.<br/>
Why was serenity so turbulent? He didn't want to dwell too much on the meaning his dream carried.</p><p>After all, he knew that curiosity killed the cat. He needed time to think with a clear mind before making any rushed, possibly-regrettable decision.<br/>
The only problem was that, just minutes before, he had caught in his former friend's eyes a certain sentiment of urgency. One that made his heart accelerate and his palms sweat. One which left him to question.</p><p>
  <em>What if I don't have that much time?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments and feedback make my whole day, week, and life :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Traditori Amichevoli</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First of all, I would like to apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I know, trust me, I know.<br/>Then, I would like to state somethings:<br/>I don't (and have not for quite a while) support Shane Dawson in any way shape or form. If you follow me on Tumblr you'll know where I have been standing since the start of this year.<br/>This is a Gandrew fanfiction, and I watch and support Gandrew only. (Not even Morgan anymore) The others are included because this is a work of fiction, my own little alternate reality. The opinions of the characters are not mine. I am just here to please my readers!</p><p>Disclaimers done, so now you can enjoy this chapter! I swear ch 4 is coming so much faster!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There's nothing worse than the betrayal of your friends. It goes beyond anything. The epitome of a stab on the back. Heartbreak in its worst form.<br/>
Something changes in your perception of the world.</p><p>Some argue that friendship is deeply underrated. And no one can deny that when a friendship ends, it takes away a piece of yourself. First, though, it lights a fire that burns your soul, your trust, and any memory. </p><p>There's no making peace after that point. No matter how much one tries, when a bond breaks, there's no energy to reform it, no chance of bringing it back to life. </p><p>It takes a lot to break a friendship, so it is almost impossible to recover one, once it breaks.</p><p>Garrett stopped being furious the moment his heart broke. Anger was arguably better than the emptiness that followed.</p><p>His friendship with Shane was long gone. He had done too much damage in his relationship with Andrew.<br/>
Garrett had trusted the man with his heart for years. He had been by his side through thick and thin, defending him even when his better judgment had told him not to. And all he had received was a figurative stab on the back.   </p><p>His 'friend' didn't really love him. No matter how much Andrew had insisted, or Ryland had presumed. Shane felt absolutely nothing for him. How could he? All he had done was fuck up his life in the worst way possible, deciding to help him get the best gift he could have ever asked for, Andrew's love, until he decided it was enough happiness for Garrett, and took it away from him.</p><p>Garrett knew Shane was the one who planted bad seeds in Andrew's conscience, acting like a devilish entity, whispering words of discouragement, alimenting his doubts and fears on his shoulder.</p><p>Garrett realized most of his resentments laid in Shane's actions and not Andrew's. Perhaps wrongfully, but Garrett thought that, if Shane was out of their lives, everything would go back to its original, happy state.</p><p>When Garrett was exceptionally angry, bad thoughts poisoned his brain. About their crumbling relationship, about their abated passion, and somehow broken communications skills (which they usually had no problem in).<br/>
But when rage dimmed his irrational thoughts, he would see a small beacon of hope, a small signal of a bright future together.<br/>
Shining light of reconciliation.<br/>
Garrett just hoped it wouldn't blind him.</p><p>Yes, they would have to work through <em>some</em> of their relationship problems, but Garrett was sure, that they had enough love to fix anything.</p><p>He just had to get over the fear of talking to his love.</p><p>He was sitting with Morgan, who had forced him to leave his messy house to get a bit of sunlight, even if the sunlight was weak and threatening to disappear behind the horizon at any moment.</p><p>"How are you?"</p><p>"I am fine."</p><p>"I know you're not."</p><p>"Why did you ask, then?" He didn't mean to sound upset with her, but he did.</p><p>"Because <em>he</em> asked."</p><p>Garrett's eyes lifted from his coffee tentatively, then he tried to conceal the obvious interest, attempting to look as unbothered as he could, of course, failing to do so.</p><p>Morgan sighed. "Listen, I know you're mad at him. But pretending to be unbothered won't help you."</p><p>Garrett didn't know who she was referencing. Needless to say, he was mad at both of the options, no matter the love he felt for one of the redheads in question.</p><p>"Fine! I am sad and lonely. Are you happy now?"</p><p>"Of course not. I'll be happy when you are."</p><p>Garrett tried to reply, but he couldn't. He couldn't get mad at her. Not at Morgan. Not at sweet Morgan, who cared and loved, who made sure he ate well and slept and absorbed an acceptable amount of vitamin D from time to time. Who had so much patience for him, even when he acted like a brat or an asshole.</p><p>He smiled at her weakly. His heart hurt a little when she reciprocated.</p><p>"You two will be fine. I know it."</p><p>She had been incredibly supportive since the start. Of his relationship, but most of all, of him. Garrett cherished her friendship like very few others in his life.</p><p>"Won't you talk to him?" She distracted him from his thoughts.</p><p>"Uh? Me? No," he said as if it was the most obvious thing. He couldn't. Not now.</p><p>"Garrett, it's <em>your</em> boyfriend. Why are you so scared of him?"</p><p>"I am not scared of him, Morgan. I am scared of what would happen if we saw each other."</p><p>"Do I wanna know what you are implying?"</p><p>"Jesus, Morgan, I meant breaking up!"</p><p>She laughed at that and managed to get a smile out of him.</p><p>"Listen, Garrett. I can't bear seeing you like this. You have to talk to him, even if it means breaking up. You can't keep going like this."</p><p>"I can't, can I?" He knew in his heart that she was right.</p><p>"Nope. Besides, he's equally as miserable as you are."</p><p>Garrett's heart flinched at that. He didn't want Andrew to be sad. Never, ever, ever. He'd have taken his sadness upon himself if he could have. Instead, he could only find the power to apologize on his behalf.<br/>
"I am sorry he's this way with you."</p><p>"It's okay, I think he's just a bit jealous." Morgan gave Garrett a tentatively-playful smile. "I am sure when you two make up, we'll go back at being the best of friends."</p><p>"I really didn't want to drag you into this."</p><p>"You didn't. I did. And I did it because I love you, and I just want to see you happy."</p><p>Garrett's smile faltered at her addition, "With or without Andrew."</p><p>"Morgan, I can't do this." </p><p>"I swear you can. You'll talk, and it'll be great."</p><p>"No, I meant-" Garrett sighed, "I can't do this without him."</p><p>"This?"</p><p>"Life, Morgan. I can't do life without him."</p><p>He saw Morgan's smile shine in a way he'd never seen it before.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I've never seen you like this. Who thought Garrett Watts would fall in love one day."</p><p>Garrett rolled his eyes, not without an amused smile on his lips.<br/>
"You thought I would have died alone? There's still time for that."</p><p>"Shut up." Morgan laughed. "I thought you'd keep up your Casanova, Don Juan attitude. But you finally found a good housewife. Your dandy, romantic hero era has ended."</p><p>Garrett laughed. "Yep, I am so weak when it comes to him."</p><p>"You're not weak."</p><p>"Morgan..." he whined.</p><p>"Garrett, love didn't make you weak," she insisted, smirking. "It did make you extremely whipped, though."</p><p>"Oh my God, I hate you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback always helps!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>